The end of February is always difficult. Lots of painful memories. Usually, the key is concentrating on the good memories, focusing on the positive. This year, with the baby involved, I can't help but wonder what my mom would have thought of him. It's not so much the remembered pain of the loss as the what-ifs and might-have-beens that get me. That, and being 5,000 miles away from the family and friends I grew up with make things a bit more difficult.
I've been doing quite a lot of thinking... thinking about what she would have said about Elijah's blond hair (man, she would be tickled at that. A first child, on our side of the family, having blond hair?), or what she would have thought of his name, or how she would have absolutely loved his cheerful personality and ready laughter.
I'm no good at voluntarily displaying public emotion. I mostly keep it bottled up, hidden away. But I thought it would be good to get how I feel about this anniversary out in the open, kinda remove the elephant in the room and make sure she's remembered properly. Especially since I know most of you out there have a lot of memories too.
Aaaand to lighten the mood somewhat:
2 comments:
thanks cuz...we all miss your mama...today is the day Granny died, and I just so happened to get stranded in houston, so I am here with duck adn cyndy and my dad....she is with you, i know it and she would have loved elijah and his blond hair :-) the video is adorable. Brock has a few of Nora on his facebook. Miss you!! hope spring is coming!
That's a beautiful, spirited photo of your mother with the guitar, I wish we'd met; and I guess Elijah will always wish he'd known his mom's mom. I think that thinking and talking about people and about how they would have felt are ways people sort of stay alive after their bodies die. These thoughts are part of the ripples their living being sent out.
My guess is your mom would have thought your cheery little cutie pie is utterly adorable - as anyone who takes a look at those enchanting videos can see. For those who don't know our side of Elijah's family, his dad and his dad's mom both started out blonde and then went brown, but he does have a truly blonde grandpa (David), uncle (Fergus), and aunt, (my sister Susanna, Susie) - so only time will tell. Lots of love from lots of Murrays.
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